In-Cher-Itance

Last night I watched Saturday Night Live and became better acquainted with Beyoncé, the musical guest. I’d certainly seen her splashed all over the pages of In Style, etc., listened to her sing on the Academy Awards as well as in Dreamgirls, but I really didn’t have a sense of her pop music après Destiny’s Child.

So there she was, singing her first number, delivering some strong vocals with some pounding dance moves, but I still can’t really speak to her music because I was so distracted: Was Beyoncé going to fall out of her dress?

She was wearing what looked to be a knit bodice that had a plunging neckline. And I don’t mean a deep “V”; I mean a deep rectangle. Of course double-sided tape was hard at work, but Beyoncé seemed to test its limits, as she’d slam from side to side to punctuate her song.

I *think* I liked her as a singer, but really, I’d get the girl a new dress.

For is there anyone out there who finds these deep rectangular necklines attractive? Sexy, bold, yes, but attractive? Just overly exposed, without a pleasing line, from my vantage point.

And truly, line is everything. When Liz Hurley debuted her poitrine in safety-pinned deep-V Versace, the long line worked. In contrast, when Jennifer Lopez wore her green voluminous, deeper-V Versace, she looked like she forgot to do up her buttons.

For singers who wish to look beautiful but daring, I suggest a return to the days of Cher and Bob Mackie. No matter how outrageous or tiny her dresses, Cher’s line was always beautiful (even in her scandalous Academy Award dress). And no amount of teasing can make up for a garment that simply doesn’t sit well on the body.